So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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