Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
