I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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