I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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