Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
