i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
