walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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