if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
