I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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