Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
