I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
