Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize