I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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