i would punch a child for taco bell
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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