He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am available for nakedness
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize