her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
