My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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