I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
