I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
