You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
