Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
