I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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