it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
