Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
