Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize