That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
