It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
