I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
