The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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