Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
