You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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