I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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