my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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