Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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