Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize