I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
