I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
