Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
