Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize