i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
