I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize