I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
