omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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