just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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