my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
