Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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