We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
