there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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