Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
