Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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