I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it hurts more in the daytime
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
