Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
