I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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