just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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