I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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