He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
