TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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