just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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