"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
