he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
