her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
