new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
