She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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