Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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