Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I deserve this hangover.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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