Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
