dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
