I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
