either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's blow job season.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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