life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
