paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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