In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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