I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
