I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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