No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
