dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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