i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
