i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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