Please, let me fuck your mom
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
