after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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