dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
