One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
